May 2023 Fertility Update

The next fertility update for us was supposed to be from November 2022. Skipping from a July update in 2022 to an May update in 2023 means I’ve left you hanging for almost a year! This is not a mistake though, there is a reason and it’s coming! However, I do think it’s important to go through the entire journey and not just skip ahead without giving you the back story. A lot you may still be in that part of the story so I want to make sure to highlight it. Without any further ado, let’s get into the nitty gritty of our May 2023 fertility update. 

November 2022

Okay, let’s go back to November when it was cold and rainy and I was having a hard time with Thanksgiving because I didn’t feel very thankful. My sister had just found out that they were pregnant via IVF in October and I was struggling very hard with my emotions from that. It was our second round of letrozole, which I’m sure also impacted my emotions. This round, we doubled the dose. I was not able to track an ovulation with the initial dose in October so my doctor wanted to get a little more aggressive and increased the dose. Unfortunately, we still could not track an ovulation. Something in my gut felt like we still were not ovulating in the cycle day 10-14 that they give you when they take these medications. We hedged our odds and tried to time our “trying” to cover as much of the time as possible without losing our minds.

Some of you may think that sounds weird because when you’re hoping and trying for something so much, you’d want to be working on that every day. The game changes when you’ve been trying for 2+ years and you are exhausted. Yes, it’s something that we wanted terribly but we also felt so tired and exhausted from having to time everything and schedule it. Yes, we tried to keep spontaneity a thing, but it still comes down to- this is the best night so we have to try. If you aren’t part of this journey, it probably doesn’t make sense. If you’ve been here, you’re probably saying “oh, girl, I get it!” Regardless, I still felt we did the best we could without being able to track an ovulation. 

November Next Steps

Knowing that we didn’t track an ovulation we were thinking that meant we still did not ovulate. Based on that, the NaPro doctor decided to plan out the next steps for us. Our next cycle would be the same dose of letrozole but would be accompanied by ultrasounds every other day. This would be to track the egg and making sure I was ovulating properly.

I was extremely disappointed that we made it to this step. The ultrasounds for us, because they were not included in a pregnancy, were at least $300 each. Without being able to track an ovulation using the tests, we’d need to be extra cautious and start them early which meant doing even more of them until we finally saw if I was ovulating normally or not. The time and money associated really bummed me out, but we were willing to do it if it meant a baby. I had this appointment a week or two before my next cycle was due to start. Needless to say, we were ready to go into December with a lot of procedures on the calendar. 

December 2022

I was still struggling. We were still struggling. Colin texted me one morning and said “I really hope the meds worked.” Something in my gut told me to take a test that morning. To my utter shock- it was BARELY positive. I used the first response and it was the lightest line. I questioned it but could get it on camera so I knew it was real. My next step was to call the NaPro office because they had a plan in place for if this occurred. Little did I know just how intense that plan would be!

The Pregnancy Plan

Within a couple hours of letting the office know I had a positive test they had scheduled an appointment with the head doctor, scheduled a bunch of tests, and also started ordering meds. We’ll start with the testing- I had 26 vials of blood drawn that day testing everything from the most simple things like a blood CBC down to some very obscure testing on autoimmune conditions and blood clotting factors. The meds included 800mg of progesterone, lovenox, and HCG boosters. I’d never given myself any injections so I had to also run up to the office that day so the nurse could teach me how to mix the HCG and inject myself. I went to the lab around noon and hit the office that afternoon for my first dose of HCG. Needless to say, it was a whirlwind of a day. 

I just kept thinking to myself, what if it wasn’t real? What if I didn’t really see the line? The HCG results came back the same evening though and confirmed, I was barely pregnant. I was now set to see the doctor every couple of weeks and our first ultrasound was scheduled for 12/27. 

Bleeding

Every single loss mama sees pregnancy as both a dream and a nightmare. Your dream is finally coming true but the nightmare is getting through it because you fear another loss. I won’t lie, from the very first day we were terrified. Would I lose this one too? 

Then I started bleeding on Christmas Eve. 

I remember sobbing in my husband’s arms on Christmas Day, telling him I don’t think I can do it again. The holiday was miserable and it felt like the longest weekend of our lives. 

Ultrasounds

When Tuesday finally rolled around we went to the hospital for our ultrasound, expecting to hear the very worst news. To our surprise and delight, the ultrasound tech immediately turned on the TV screen and showed us our baby’s heartbeat. Beating strong! The bleeding was due to a couple of subchorionic hematomas that they anticipated would go away on their own. However, they basically put me on bed rest to do as little as possible to help healing. Colin took over all of the chores and cooking while I laid on the couch with my feet up. 

We continued ultrasounds every couple of weeks to monitor the progress of the baby. I was still bleeding so there was still a lot of nervousness around each and every appointment. We went into each of those scans expecting to hear the worst news, truly. Each time this little baby surprised us. 

First OB Appointment

We finally made it to the first OB appointment. Through tears, nerves, and a lot of long nights- we made it. My mom went with me and consoled me in the lobby while I cried. I was terrified that they wouldn’t be able to find a heartbeat with the scanner. The fear never goes away. We got back and she immediately found it, cue more tears!

We had lost our second baby at 12.5 weeks so this was a very trying time for us and I felt a lot of PTSD from the appointment. To be honest, I required a lot of reassurance that everything was okay. My blood pressure was so high that they asked me to come back again the next week to have it checked. Thankfully, we were 13 weeks at that time and they were able to find the heartbeat and show me the baby moving around on a handheld ultrasound scanner. It was officially the furthest we had ever made it!

Remainder of Pregnancy Treatment

Once we exited the first trimester we started scaling back on all the meds and appointments. I stopped the HCG at 16 weeks and we lowered the progesterone dose as needed. Even now at 22 weeks, they monitor my progesterone levels every other week so it’s a constant balancing act. I’ll continue on lovenox because of the blood clotting disorder that they discovered on that first blood draw that they did. 

We were referred to the high risk doctors who did our anatomy scan around 19 weeks. They officially moved my due date back to August 20th- based on the first ultrasound that we had. As I suspected, we were not ovulating on day 14. This meant that our due date needed to be adjusted because the last missed period was not accurate. Baby was only in the 32 percentile but they said that was totally normal and were very happy with how everything looked. 

Our “Normal”

Now, we continue “normal” treatment. I see my NaPro doctor every 4 weeks to manage my meds and she also tests things (like glucose and extra CBCs) earlier and more frequently to make sure we’re on the right track. I see my OB every 4 weeks (currently, but that will change to every other week starting in June) and they just double check everything and monitor the baby growth. On top of that, I also see the high risk doctors every 4 weeks. They aren’t concerned but my sister also works in that office so they said because I am a special patient to them, they will keep seeing me. It also helps with my peace of mind to get regular ultrasounds. I know some people will disagree with that decision, that’s okay! When I look at the safety of our baby I figure they are more safe with a mom who isn’t stressing out. To each their own.

In Conclusion: May 2023 Fertility Update

There is a reason this blog is so darn behind. I’ll be taking the next few months to attempt to get everything caught up with some new content. A couple months of doing nothing left me with nothing to write! Then, my heart just wasn’t ready to share our news. To be honest, I still get nervous to share. We are just over a week from our viability date and that feels like a huge milestone. I’m hoping it helps us feel more confident! Honestly, after two losses I think I’ll be nervous until the baby is here in our arms. I do get to feel it kicking around in there now, which is the best blessing I could ask for at the moment. 

My prayers have changed from “please God, let us get good news,” to “please, God, don’t let me take one moment of this for granted.”